Emotional Independence: New rules of love

26.02.2024

WE ARE LIVING TIMES OF CHANGE WHEN THE INDIVIDUAL'S BELIEF THAT HE / SHE SHOULD STAND ON OWN FEET FLOURISHES (ESPECIALLY WITH WOMEN) 

In the map of trends 2024 emotional independence is positioned in the area of HOT TREND – confirmed and seen in many, not yet acknowledged as present in their life  

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‍What does emotional independence stand for?

Emotional independence emerged in the last years as a new principle of life, making possible a shift towards a more individualistic society where people focus primary on their own needs rather than worrying about meeting the needs of others. It is not lack of empathy or selfishness, it is just a different management of their personal energy. People chose to put only one part of their energy into relationships, saving the rest for other aspects of their lives that fill them with joy and satisfaction. Emotional independence is thus a way to get away from constraints or commitments that at some point work no longer, to live a free and assumed life, in tune with own persona and with everything that suits you "I realised that some things are better kept for myself. There are people with negative energies that can affect your motivation. You should be really careful who lives next to you, who you chose as your friend or partner"

_{‍What are the implications in building love relationships?}

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The study we ran on February 2024 shows that people put communication, similar passions, time together and common values as top requests for having a succesful relationship today. In the context where emotional independence grows as a trend, relationships tend to anchor themselves on grounds of soft compatibility, which is usually led by women or girls.

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Women say they won't repeat the mistakes of their mothers to chose a partner before checking the elements of soft compatibility, which puts a lot of pressure on men (or boys) to fit to expectations they haven't been prepared for. Nevertheless, the results of the study show they already know that building a good relationship today requires a lot of emotional intelligence

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‍What people say about finding a pair these days?

Emotional independence comes with a lot of benefits for mental balance and resilience, yet the other side of the coin reveals cautiousness in building love based bonds. In the research we ran, many people complained today about the difficulty of finding the right partner and the risk you may encounter if you do not pay attention to "the red flags". "The red flags" are small tests people are paying attention to before deciding to be a relationship with someone - a set of tricks & tips they can easily find on social media or they find about while talking to their friends. These are very common already for younger generation and known among girls and boys, yet less consistent in the case of more mature people looking for a partner. In such cases women use their experience to select their partners and find themselves often in the situation of choosing to stay alone as their criteria are too high for the offer on the market. They say they are not willing to repeat mistake or live like their mothers, they are not willing to "babysit" a man as their focus today is to put themselves first. In such a context, men found themselves often confused of what they are being asked to offer as the language of love women talk about today is not known to them, they haven't been prepared for that to happen.

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Research shows that 1 in 3 people say that today it is harder to find a partner as compared to the past as people lack trust in others and no longer communicate freely. As they were saying in the interviews, they keep an important part of their energy and information for themselves. Moreover, they have the tendency of giving up at the first impasse which they often treat it as a "red flag": it wasn't meant to be, there was too much negative energy, I felt it was too toxic. All these are indeed faces of emotional independence, but when do you know where to draw the line between what is really negative and what is just a contextual manifestation? People seem really confused about this and men precisely say they do not know how to behave as they lack clear references of positive masculinity relevant for 2024

Until more clarity on grounds of love today, younger generations tend to prolong their time to make a commitment for a relationship and call this "situationship" instead of relationship. On the other side, adults tend to connect on social media (Facebook dating - 49%, Tinder - 40%, Badoo - 23% or, other apps; out of those using dating apps, almost 60% are men) or use their network to meet people, without planning for commitment, but just looking for company. As people say, today is not about finding love but about turning friendship into love, which is harder and takes more time.

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What women want?

In the interviews we ran it has been reconfirmed that the lack of trust and the difficulties in communication are very much rooted in women's evolution and liberation from traditional roles. As they entered the territory of men in terms of providing resources for living, they've learned how strong and complex they are and decided they do not need somebody to protect them (as they can however take very good care of themselves, including their children), but need somebody to be an equal partner - as resilient, strong, empathic, caring, loving as they are. The old traditional role of men is dramatically contradicted: "do not need a man placed on the top of the table who is waiting for the food to be served", "a man who is complaining like a baby when he is sick", "a man who waits for her to pay the meal at the restaurant or is judging how she spends her money", "a man who is jealous of her success"

They just want a friend and partner to grow together. And they are also willing to take the role of hunters of a partner, a role that's new to them as well (not being the prey anymore)

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What men say?

Single younger men seem to have understood the brief of women today as they try to grow in the area of communication and emotional expression. Adult single males encounter more difficulties and ask for tolerance and understanding, while often fail in building healthy relationships

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Things to consider on new rules of love

As we are passing through times of consistent change, love and emotions go through transformations as well. These transformations will probably shape the future society on longer timeframe, as they will grow in time, organically, shaped by the new generations. The partnership between men and women might become consistent and healthy, putting the base for what people call "power couples": a team of a man and a woman that communicate well, care for each other, are very good friends and align to a common purpose. A pragmatic definition of love with a purpose

In the meantime we will continue to run research on topics around the subject of new rules of love, focusing on tension points such as:

• teaching men / boys the language of love: traditionally men are thought to be stoic and tough and not express feelings. Saying how you feel makes you less of a man or vice versa? How can we help boys build their own language of love?
• resilience to crisis: many couples fail on building relationships as they are very fragile to crisis, they jump to negative conclusions and leave when they should stay. Women again seem to be more resilient in this matter, as they are prone to protect the family spirit.
• define positive masculinity today, as men lack clear references
• refine definition of femininity in a world where both men and women should feel comfortable to bond. Over-powering women does not seem to be a healthy choice

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Methodology

Hunters quantitative survey, 1000 respondents, urban representative

12 qualitative interviews, 6 couples and 6 single people, aged 25-55

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